May 25: Day 1 of my fast, day 91 of our chain:
Here I am fasting again to fill an unexpected gap in our chain. It is different this time – now I am part of an effort that has grown much bigger than myself, and it is truly humbling to be in the company of so many wonderful, caring, talented and committed souls who added an unimaginable depth and texture to the empty canvas I put out into this space on February 25. That initial step into the unknown, fueled by a strong and purposeful indignation on behalf of the victims of the Northeast Delhi pogrom and many others before them, and sustained by my fellow protesters against CAA and NRC in Los Angeles, has spread around the world in the past 90 days, propelled by a common longing among people of Indian origin to fight hate, win justice, and preserve what is true and meaningful to us all, irrespective of religion, caste, or class.
During the past several weeks, the constant onslaught of mindless transgressions by the powerful against the powerless in the guise of fighting the coronavirus has blunted my ability for outrage. Seeing my own aged family members trapped in a struggle for self-preservation against a backdrop of widespread and callous destruction of poorer lives has fatigued me. Every so often, my indignation morphs into a search for the underlying conditioning that drives people to act against their own real self-interest. What makes the preservation of known idiosyncrasies preferable to adapting to proven better alternatives? Why do triggers that look insignificant in hindsight lead us to irrational, irreversibly destructive actions? What happens when such triggers transcend the individual to affect whole communities, reinforcing impulsive foolishness with an addictive self-righteousness that is always found in copious supply within a mob?
My self-righteous indignation fails me when I notice that intrinsically, in all my human failings, I am no different from the mob leader, and the mob leader is intrinsically no different from their victim. The only thing that separates us, and keeps us moving along mutually disparate trajectories, is the flimsy abstraction of the social constructs we each adhere to, whether consciously or not, voluntarily or not. My indignation has limited reach when the view from each of these trajectories is so different that my carefully constructed, well-meaning, rational arguments melt into meaninglessness, or worse, get misconstrued as a threat or a trap by those they are directed at.
This brings me to a renewed understanding of what we have already discussed so often: We cannot hope to immediately bring down the fascists-du-jour, or bring around their support base. At first, we can only patiently tend to a space of resistance against them. By spreading love, empathy, and deep-rooted solidarity as a lasting antidote to their toxic scheme of hatred, divisiveness, and superfluous gratification. And then someday, a day we may only live to see if we’re really lucky, we will achieve a less destructive world. One in which we will have learned to appreciate other points of view even when we don’t fully share them.
#ChainFastingForPeace #FastingAgainstFascism #ResignAmitShah
May 26: Day 2 of my fast, day 92 of our chain:
My workload is heaviest this time of the year, taking up 8-10 intense hours everyday, leaving me with little energy for much else by the end of the day. After battling headaches and hunger pangs yesterday, today has been kind to me, with no headaches and only a mild sensation of hunger. And yet, I feel the urge to double check my work to make sure I’m not risking major mistakes. In the evenings, I am crankier than usual with Christian and Neal, and my evening conversations with my parents in India – a daily habit I made after the onset of Covid-19 – have shortened to the extent of appearing brusque. It is a fairly tight balancing act, that I would not be able to continue if either of us or my parents fell sick. I would also not be able to manage it if household chores were not evenly split in our home, with enough latitude for me to opt out of them completely from time to time. It is interesting to contrast my situation with the majority of women in India, whose lives are consumed by household chores, taking care of the children, and pleasing the in laws.
If an overdose of doing what I love to do and have chosen to do leaves me too exhausted to think straight by the end of the day, what state of mind would I be in if I had to live a life solely in service of other people’s expectations? It is even more interesting to contrast my situation with poor migrant families being driven out of their adopted cities. I, a migrant myself, left home in pursuit of my dreams, dreams that I am putting in long hours of work to realize. Dreams that may feel stupid or insignificant to others but mean the world to me. What if my dreams were trampled upon with existential threats, the kind our migrant laborers are being subjected to? What if instead of falling asleep on the living room couch at the end of a long day of working at my computer, I were to fall asleep on the seemingly unused railway tracks I had to walk along all day in the burning sun, with little food or water, with my life’s belongings on my back, just after the most modest dreams I ever dared to dream had been crushed in the worst imaginable manner by those who had more than enough but wouldn’t care enough to share? What if being “death tired” took on a literal meaning as I was run over in my sleep by a train I did not expect to ply?
#ChainFastingForPeace #FastingAgainstFascism #ResignAmitShah #ResignNarendraModi
May 27: Day 3 of my fast, day 93 of our chain:
As much as I enjoyed day 3 of fasting before, it has been difficult to put in 11 hours of focused work while completely refraining from food. Several times today, I had to steel myself to keep going. Finally free from work for the day, my mind does not yet feel pliant enough to write a post. Making me realize how much harder it must be for medical staff and other essential workers, who must feel similarly drained at the end of their workday – which is not only physically grueling but also laden with mortal risk at this time.
How must it feel at the end of their day, wanting nothing more than to be back in the comfort of home, only to be confronted by hostile neighbors? And then for the Government to take away half their paycheck without even asking! What, then, about the poor young migrant mother who fell ill on the train from Gujarat to Muzzafarpur? What was her state-of-mind before she succumbed to hunger, thirst, and extreme heat on that railway platform? Leaving behind two babies too young to process what an irreplaceable loss had befallen them in a country where everyone had forgotten how to care?
#ChainFastingForPeace #FastingAgainstFascism #ResignAmitShah #ResignNarendraModi
May 28: Day 4 of our fast, day 94 of our chain:
Today, I would like to take a moment to be grateful for not having to live under constant tyranny. To be able to choose, think, speak and act according to my conscience, which allows me to connect joyfully with nature, to care for people around me, and to create freely from an inspired space. This is what makes me feel alive and contented, making my life truly worth living.
I owe this state to people who have cared deeply for me, who have allowed me to make my own mistakes, and have encouraged me to face my demons rather than shielding me from them or blaming me for them. This is my greatest privilege. I don’t have to be rich, powerful or popular to have this privilege. The only thing to do to preserve this privilege is to share it – by helping others win against the tyranny in their lives.
#ChainFastingForPeace #FastingAgainstFascism #ResignAmitShah #ResignNarendraModi
May 29: Day 5 of my fast, day 95 of our chain:
As this 5-day fast nears its end, I notice that it has been a study in contrast:
Last time, from Feb 25-29, I was full of rage at the repeat performance of Gujarat 2002 in Delhi. I was in close touch with my fellow protesters against NRC+CAA and we were able to feed off each other’s energy. Shaheen Bagh was in the news, protesters were making themselves heard all over the world, it felt like we were winning in small but meaningful ways.
This time, from May 25-29, in addition to being the busiest time of the year for me at work, the world looks a lot more different. We’re isolated from each other due to lockdowns that cannot be safely expected to end soon. Our protests for a free and fair society have been silenced, memories of them erased in the public space like the art work of Shaheen Bagh. We watch helplessly in disbelief and despair as we see the consequences of the naked shallowness of those who have grabbed power on little more than lies and deception.
After harrowing scenes of death and destruction for our hardworking poor, they show concern only for the interests of the wealthiest for whom the poor labor, and nothing but scorn and contempt otherwise. I admit I was less upbeat about this fast than my last, but we cannot stop because we don’t feel so pumped anymore. Darker, harder times lie ahead if we hunker down despondently instead of speaking up with a sobriety and force that can only be summoned now – as we stand at the edge of a compassionate world that is made to benefit us all, overlooking a precipitous fall into the tyranny of the few.
Let us speak up now, let us keep reminding each other of what is truly important for all of us, because if we forget now, we will slip swiftly into the abyss of ignorance on which tyranny thrives, never to have a clear view of what really counts again.
#ChainFastingForPeace #FastingAgainstFascism #ResignAmitShah #ResignNarendraModi
Chain Fasting For Peace 